Robin Hawke


Ugly Sentence
June 4, 2011, 11:25 AM
Filed under: Emotions, Life and Stuff

Yesterday, I wrote an ugly sentence:
I know something is beautiful when I fall in love with the means it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me up to passionate living.

I can delete the word up:
I know something is beautiful when I fall in love with the means it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

I can delete something is:
I know beautiful when I fall in love with the means it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Delete fall in and with:
I know beautiful when I love the means it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Still ugly. Try way instead of means, though it seems less technique-y:
I know beautiful when I love the way it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Delete takes to:
I know beautiful when I love the way it grows me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Oops, two ways. Try manner:
I know beautiful when I love the manner it takes to grow me—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Delete it takes to grow me:
I know beautiful when I love its manner—the ways it opens me to passionate living.

Still ugly and I’m not sure it’s any clearer. Come back to it another day. Start fresh, with a whole paragraph. (I itch to return fall and up to the lineup.)

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