Robin Hawke


Footsteps
November 11, 2011, 4:52 PM
Filed under: All Writing Challenges | Tags: , ,

Jay began her hike. The terrain was rough, littered with refuse. Too patient to complain, she slogged through the heat, one foot in front of another. The soles of her feet itched as if she walked through battery acid, a possibility.

She held a stick. Down it went to the ground, a percussive strike before her light footfalls disturbed the silence. The long hike took aeons. On her trail, tiny parasites poked out of small holes in the ground: fragile, greedy life.

Jay paused her hike, slept while the small plants consumed. She woke, slightly refreshed, to grab her stick.

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11 Comments so far
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well done great story.

Comment by Sheilagh Lee

” . . . a percussive strike before her light footfalls disturbed the silence.” That is great – it put me right there. Nice!

Comment by Jan Morrill

Hmm . . .interesting hike. I like the line, “she slept while the small plants consumed.” Good post.

Comment by Russell

I want to know what the small plants were consuming! Wah!!!!!
And You don’t have to say the long hike took ages, cause that what long hikes do. You should tell us more about those parasites and where she was heading… In other words, I want other words!
demandingly,
Laura

Comment by Laura Dunlap (@auralind)

It took ages, literally. I was worried that was too subtle, but didn’t like epochs or eras. Any thoughts? Robin

Comment by Robin Hawke

Somehow my comment just got lost before I was done writing it…so if you got it, well, I didn’t mean to hit ‘post’ yet, lol.

I think I might be missing the signifcance of her walk. My inclination is to interpret that less literally than you’ve written it, where as she is nourishing the earth and the parasites, as she walks it.

The imagery is beautiful and I like it, either taken literally or if I read into it the symbolism I see. Also, if you meant ‘ages’ to mean something so long as ‘epoch’ you might want to use a stronger word because that wasn’t how I imagined it until I read your reply to Laura.

Comment by Madison Woods

Your inclination was correct. I changed the one word. It’s not right, but better? Robin

Comment by Robin Hawke

Oh! I think your word is ‘aeons’!

“The word aeon, also spelled eon or æon (English pronunciation: /ˈiːɒn/), originally means “life”, and/or “being”, though it then tended to mean “age”, “forever” …

Comment by Madison Woods

Thanks Madison, I needed a word that was a little less insistent.

My goal for this piece was to camouflage the real story (but not to lose it!)

Comment by Robin Hawke

A rough hike indeed! I was thinking that the plants, mutated by the refuse, might consume Jay.

Comment by wcdameron

A creation myth for our times. Well done.

Comment by xoxdede




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