Robin Hawke


Disquiet
January 13, 2012, 2:21 PM
Filed under: All Writing Challenges | Tags: , , ,

They became insane: Worse than any flood, they felt the anguish of  an undeserved war. Worse than any fire, it never ended. Caught by hate, they nursed thoughts of revenge in paraplegic bodies.

They numbered few pleasures: When winds raged, they rent limbs. Satisfied with earthquakes and hurricanes, they blessed a fallen neighbor’s shower of bricks. The hole, another scar, left.

Without mouths, without ears or eyes, they understood our ruthless narcissism. Breathless, they fought back. In unison.

Their combat methods improved, unnoticed as a firmly pressed mouth: Soldiers in an outdated army, they dropped tiny acorns, bombs of mutation.

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16 Comments so far
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Very powerful story with haunting images. There is much backstory that intrigues me, too. And, the title is perfect!

Comment by Jan Morrill

I may never look at an acorn in the same way again.

Here’s mine:http://sweettea.kdmccrite.com/flash-fiction-3/his-way

Comment by kdmccrite

Wow, each word is carefully chosen, powerful, in its own right and it creates a fascinating little piece of imagery. Nice!

Comment by Indigo Spider

Great intriguing writing. I made the bomb reference in my piece too, but from a very different perspective. The story is tied together neatly by your ending.
Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

Comment by bridgesareforburning

There is some really powerful imagery here. Although I struggled to understand exactly what was going on, I felt that was almost the point. Disquieting indeed.

Comment by elmowrites

Very powerful, horrific, and perhaps the darkest story this week. Which is to say I liked it very much. Your language is poetic and evokes the ghastlinesss of war beautifully.

Comment by Carlos Repuesto de la Tabla

This is written with a short stabbing style that really comes across with the violence it depicts. Well done.

Here’s mine: http://wp.me/s1Tjpv-cassie

Comment by writingbothsides

Love it! “Ruthless narcissism.” 🙂

Here’s my story for this week: http://wp.me/p24aJS-1h

Comment by LupusAnthropos

Dear Robin,

A haunting story, with our future wrapped up in its seed. Well written, especially the last sentence.

Aloha

Doug

My late link http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/a-womans-vows/

Comment by dmmacilroy

Really nice prose! I love the apocalyptic feel to the story!

Comment by susielindau

Anyone who has lived in an area with a lot of oak trees, or parked their car under an oak in the fall understands their destructive nature. Excellent job. I loved it!

This is the link to my drabble this week: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/01/13/moll-white-remains/

Comment by Quill Shiv

Very powerful!
Intense and lasting…
Just one feedback for the blog if I may… can you please increase the font size? Or maybe its just me eye sight! 🙂

Do check out mine here and provide some helpful feedback for improvement!
http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/01/15/when-the-going-gets-tough/

Comment by parul

At present, it is not within my power. I need CSS privileges, which I’m considering. Welcome and thanks for stopping by!

Comment by Robin Hawke

My eyes are not so good either. 😉 I push ‘command / +’ on my Mac to increase the font size on my screen.

Great little story. The choice of words is perfect, bringing the darkness of wartime home in a most disturbing way.

Comment by Kirsten

that was brutal. well played! ~elise

Comment by eliserae

The language is so powerful. Fabulous.

Comment by The Lime




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