Robin Hawke


Daybreak
February 3, 2012, 8:56 PM
Filed under: All Writing Challenges | Tags: , ,

My purse is on the chair, the cat is under the bed, the dog is on the couch, the stash of money is in the pot in the cupboard above the stove, the cell phone is charged on the bedside table. Oh, what am I forgetting? Car keys—make sure they’re in the purse. Phone numbers, yes, we’ll need those in case we lose our way, addresses and the GPS. Oh, food, food, food. I’ll grab chips. Water, we have milk. In case that is not the sun: An axe, do you think we’ll need an axe? Or a gun?

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18 Comments so far
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well, every killer has to have good stake out munchies.

I like the style of writing, and it’s in her head. Now I’m coming up with lists.

🙂

Here’s mine: http://eliseschapira.wordpress.com/2012/02/03/slow-burn-slow-down/

Comment by eliserae

yeah, loved the rundown. Makes me wonder if she (because of the purse) does this every night? A small obsession, in case of disaster.

Nicely done.

Comment by Craig Towsley

It wasn’t until after a small fire in my house did I realize I’d never made a list like this one. I remembered the cat, but not identification or money.

Yes, I think she’s a little obsessed because she’s probably a little ditzy.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Yes, I like the list, almost like a game. Think you might have missed out a word – for in case we lose our way. If its too many words, you can drop some of the food. The best part is when you ask, do you think we need an axe? or a gun?
good punchline. I can see it as a movie comedy!

Comment by Lindaura Glamoura

Thanks, missed it. Lots of typos lately too.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Hi Robin, I really hope they don’t need an axe, or a gun. That was an excellent device to let us know about the desperation of their situation. Good apocalyptic tale!
Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

Comment by bridgesareforburning

The list is a wonderful opening, it seems a frenzied but successful attempt at organisation. And ending with the axe or the gun gives the little story an upward arc and delightfully foreboding finish. Perfect.

Comment by Carlos Repuesto de la Tabla

Dear Robin,

I loved the frenetic, semi-spastic checklist leading up to the question of whether they need an axe and/or a gun. The dog going? The cat? Are they taking the cash? And what is really happening to their world? Great piece. The enormity of their problems is subtly shown by the sentence, ‘In case that is not the sun”. Well put together.

Aloha,

Doug

Comment by dmmacilroy

I liked the urgency of her going through the list. Although I have an emergency list mentally filed away, I’ll bet I forget something very important or can’t find it in a pinch. I like that all her items are there, checked.

Comment by Madison Woods

I liked the sense of urgency, as well. The readers feels hurried.

Here’s my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-2l

Comment by LupusAnthropos

Great story–effective use of only 100 words. Iwas relating to “checking off the list” until the surprise twist–loved it! 🙂

Comment by V. L. Gregory-Pohlenz

Love the way you used a list. Somehow, it expressed a real sense of urgency, the way it let us see into your character’s mind.

Comment by janmorrill

Mission Evacuation! Good one!
I get scared by earthquakes… they are not very freq in my side of the world… but highly probable and sometimes rough you up out of the blue… I panic just like this at such times…

Comment by parul

This felt like a very poetic evacuation. I love the lilting sense of the sentences and words together. Beautiful, as usual.

Comment by The Lime

Love it that you’re doing flash fiction!

Comment by Dr. Pam Young

My blog didn’t grab me until I began to use it as a springboard for flash efforts. My three sentence stories are all fiction, but I noticed the first person in a lot of the recent ones, so it does confuse! Thanks for popping by.

Comment by Robin Hawke

As soon as I get my feet under me again (when the construction noise next door goes inside the new buildings), I’ll be re-doing my blog and flash fiction is one of the vehicles I’ve been considering. It seems we’re sort of kindred psirits in that way. ;>)

Comment by Dr. Pam Young

Looking forward to it!

Comment by Robin Hawke




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