Robin Hawke


Byway
February 27, 2012, 1:24 PM
Filed under: Three Sentence Stories

The father fell asleep. His eyes closed, pupils stilled.  What woke him—the grass beneath his tires or the screams of his children?

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14 Comments so far
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Very moving story. I want to click “like” but it’s so sad it feels wrong to “like” it.

Comment by Janet

Ohhh. I want to say I’m sorry, but that feels wrong too. I guess language isn’t always a help when we talk about bad stuff.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Powerful words. They conjure up something I hope to never experience!

Comment by MyWordsWhisper

I’m with you.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Very evocative imagery. You did a great job of presenting so much emotion in so few words.

Comment by jmmcdowell

Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your visits. Let me know when the cherries bloom in your neck of the woods and I’ll go and visit you.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Dear Robin,

This short piece reminded me of the famous and oft repeated statement (on cards, posters, tumblr blogs…) Goes like this…

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not kicking and screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Enjoyed it.

Aloha,

Doug

Comment by dmmacilroy

I wasn’t familiar with that statement…I get more of a shock to the system from those words than mine. Goes to show why it is so famous! Robin

Comment by Robin Hawke

I clicked “like” but only from the sense that this touched me. Good gosh, that’s tragic.

Comment by Amy Keeley

I think so too. Thanks.

Comment by Robin Hawke

Very powerful. Nicely done.

Comment by 4amWriter

Thanks!

Comment by Robin Hawke

The contrast between the initial image and the final sentence is so jarring, and brings such an emotional punch! I especially like how ‘grass beneath his tires’ transitions to ‘the screams of his children’, building to a climax and conclusion all at once.

You are very good at these! 🙂 I can see this being a powerful opening to a novel.

Comment by Kirsten

I do feel I get better with the daily challenge. My favorite part was the pupils…I close my eyes to still my pupils, and it tries me. There’s not a way to understand–awareness is never its opposite.

Comment by Robin Hawke




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